Merry merry and all of that. I have returned from a snowless, but otherwise joyful, Christmas in Massachusetts. All traditions were observed with the proper decorum. These included, but were not limited to:
1. Cranberry Coffee Cake and Mimosas
2. N Sync for the Holidays
No joke… we listen to this every year and it is the shit. Plus, this video has both the worst frosted tips and the worst green-screening of all time.
3. The Two Family Christmas Relocation Program – All you joint custody kids know what I’m talking about.
4. Gingerbread Houses (Milk cartons covered with graham crackers, frosting and butt load of candy. There is no gingerbread involved).
Mine is the one with the car in the garage
There was even some half-assed Hannukah to be had. In my family, that involves arguing over which direction you light the candles, a butchered recitation of the Hannukah prayer led by the Hebrew expert of the family (me, HAH), and the reading of our sacred text, Hershel and the Hanukkah Goblins. I do most of the reading up until the King of Goblins arrives, and then my dad jumps in because he really enjoys shouting. In Hershel, the King of the Goblins’ dialogue is written in all-caps, so you know he means business.
I’ve had some interesting conversations lately about which, if any, of the Santa myths I plan to perpetuate with my hypothetical children. It’s a question I’d never considered, despite being inordinately prone to considering how I will and won’t raise my hypothetical kids.
The jolly fat man stuff doesn’t strike me as an important holiday tradition to pass along, especially when I’ve got all this other outstanding stuff that’s actually unique to my family. Come on, N’Sync for the Holidays? Hershel and the Hannukah Goblins? Who needs Santa?
Related Post: I attempted to do most of my shopping at local businesses.
Related Post: More hypothetical musing on things that won’t happen for a real long time….
